The White House sinkhole: nature finally says what we’ve all been thinking


The earth literally opening up outside Donald Trump’s residence seems too good to be true

Name: The White House sinkhole.

Age: Came to public notice for the first time this week.

Appearance: A void where once there was solidity, growing bigger with each passing day.

And where is it? At the White House.

Ah, so, we’re really talking about the absence of leadership in the executive branch under Donald Trump? No, but we can talk about that later if you want.

Oh. Is the sinkhole a metaphor for the moral and ethical vacuum of his presidency so far? No. It’s an actual hole, in the White House lawn, just outside the press briefing room.

Who dug it? You don’t dig sinkholes. They simply appear without warning. Some of them are big enough to consume cars and buses and presidential limos, but this one isn’t. Yet.

I don’t understand how something like this could just happen and not be symbolic of something. There has been a lot of rain in the Washington DCarea lately, which has probably caused the saturated ground to give way.

It’s funny because Trump is always talking about draining the swamp, and now the swamp is trying to drain him. That’s not really a metaphor either: Washington DC is actually a swamp; a city built on old river deposits, shifting sediments and mud. In its early days, malaria was more of a problem than corruption.

I’m sure there are perfectly straightforward geological reasons for this sinkhole’s existence. I just don’t want to hear any of them. You are not alone. Those hoping the sinkhole might be a sign of something ominous point out that another sinkhole opened up right outside Trump’s Mar-a-Lago property almost a year ago.

Woah. Although that one was probably caused by a newly installed water main.

Shut up. What have they done about the White House sinkhole? They have put some cones around it, and somebody’s opened a Twitter account for it.

Good work so far. The National Park Service also plans some exploratory excavations in the coming days. A spokesperson said: “We do not believe it poses any risk to the White House or is representative of a larger problem.”

Rats. Fingers crossed, they will discover it leads straight the fiery pit of hell.

Do say: “I would prefer impeachment proceedings to removal on the grounds of unfitness under the 25th amendment, but the earth literally opening up and swallowing him could work too.”

Don’t say: “Mr President? Satan is here for your 3.30.”


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